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Hi, badrider. How is your upper body strength? Having acceptable upper body strength can help you better handle the trails because you can exercise more control over your bike, its direction, and your overall balance over the bike. I would encourage you to work out your upper body if you feel that having weak upper body strength might be one of the possible reasons for your less than ideal performance on trails, specifically singletrack, which generally requires better control, skills, balance, and strength to maneuver it well.
That’s a fairly old bike, but you didn’t tell us what model Cannondale you’re riding. F700? F1000? What? If you have a HeadShox, this is one of the most stable suspension forks you’ll ever ride, and it’s one of the most buttery smooth ones, too. But, stock, for your size and weight, you may be bottoming out your suspension fork? If so, this doesn’t do you much good when trying to keep your bike under control on singletracks. You shouldn’t be bottoming out your front shock regularly; only if you are riding aggressively, which I am guessing that you are not. So, you might check this out with your local bike store, or one where there are informed, competent mechanics and/or riders who can help you perhaps upgrade to a stiffer spring(s), if necessary.
How well turned are your brakes? Are you using V-brakes, or cantilever brakes? You should be using at least a good set of V-brakes as these should provide you with good, powerful braking, and will help you keep your bike under control better than if you are using cantilever brakes, or poor quality V-brakes. How are your brake pads, while we are talking about adequate braking power?
If you are endo’ing, and since your bike is on the vintage side, do you feel that your handlebar height is too low for you, thus facilitating endo’s on steep descents or drops? If so, try a handlebar stem with a 15-degree rise, and if you are using a straight handlebar, consider switching to a raised handlebar option to help position your body further back on to your saddle.
What kind of tires are you using? Are any of your falls related to loss of traction? If so, consider upgrading to a pair with improved traction, e.g., maybe a wider profile (2.2″ or wider?), and a tread pattern that may be better suited for the type of terrain on which you typically ride. Ask your LBS folks about this.
Practicing your dynamic balance: On your Cannondale, ride around your neighborhood and practice weighting your body over your bike in different positions so that you start becoming more comfortable when needing to weight the outside of your pedals for better traction, and control over your bike, e.g., shift your weight further toward the rear of your bike, the front, the left, the right, toward the rear when hard braking, etc. This will help you better prepare for singletrack riding.
Look, I love riding pre-1990 Specialized Stumpjumper hardtails and there is nothing wrong with riding an older bike, so long as it is in good condition and well tuned (brakes, gears, proper saddle height, proper handlebar height, saddle positioning (forward versus rearward, AND nose angled downward, neutral, or upward), etc. You don’t need a $2,000+ full suspension bike, although they are more comfortable to ride and allow you to “float” over some nasty sections of trail.
These are just some thoughts/ideas for your badrider. I hope you get things/problems ironed out, because mountain bike riding really is a wonderful sport and activity, and especially since your wife is now enjoying it so much, I know you really want this to be a mutual interest/hobby/activity. Best of luck with this! Please let us know how everything turns out for you!
Cheers!