While my background as a horse trainer turned trail planner/bike advocate may not qualify me for passing judgment on the nutritional and physiological claims of the electrolyte industry, that’s exactly what I’m about to do. I’m one of those people who finds the whole notion of your body “needing” electrolytes for all but the most grueling of workouts (or diarrhea) to be hot hoey. Ever read a gel packet that recommends downing one “45 minutes prior to working out and every 30 minutes during”? Good grief. Here’s an alternative–maybe you could just… eat food? Marketing at its finest.
That said, I like LMNT electrolyte mix. It tastes good, kind of sassy. Salty, actually, and that is their whole schtick. “Stay Salty,” and there’s a bunch of science-y stuff about how you’ll probably actually die if you don’t get more salt in your diet, especially if you plan to work out really hard or even walk around the block or take up knitting.
Anyway, it tastes good, and that makes me drink more water, and that’s a good thing, so there’s my justification, my personal salve for being suckered by marketing. I was recently fresh out so I went to their website to order more. They were out of my favorite flavor — mango/chili — which is too bad because I especially love offering friends a sip of my water and watching their faces contort into a mask of surprise and alarm with a dash of fear. Mango chili is not for everyone.
By the time I hit ‘checkout’, I had $121 worth of electrolyte in my cart. By ordering three boxes instead of one (grapefruit salt, watermelon salt, and citrus salt), I saved a lot of money. That made me feel smart. It wouldn’t last.
It arrived–there was much rejoicing. I recall being vaguely annoyed that each box was in a cardboard box that was in a cardboard box, but whatever. I picked my favorite one to start with–watermelon salt–and headed out for a 10-mile hike on the Colorado Trail (sometimes I leave the bike at home and hike just to see what it’s like. It’s slow. It makes you want to ride a bike. That’s what it’s like).
My mouth watered as it anticipated the salty sweet joy that was coming its way. Swig! Then blech… WhaHuh? I pulled the bottle away and looked at it accusingly. I tried again, more tentatively. Yup. Goddam. They changed the recipe. And I said, out loud to the bears and the marmots,
“Yup. Goddam. They changed the recipe.”
I spent the next several (snail-like, plodding) miles composing emails to LMNT in my head. They were alternately diplomatic, pissy, accusing, or hurt. “How could you DO this to me?” In a rare move, I actually followed through when I got home and sent them an email. I chose the ‘diplomatic’ track (and thank heck).
“New Recipe?” was my subject line, and I went on to explain that the reason I had spent $121 on packets of salt with fruity flavors was that I loved their product, but now they changed it, and now it was…(ass)…really not very yummy at all. WHY? Please go back to the old recipe, yada yada yada.
They replied (!) and were like “Uh, we don’t have a record of this email address associated with an order” and I was like “Oh so THIS Is how it’s gonna be, huh? Jeez. I hate everyone” but what I actually said was “It’s this email, and here’s a screenshot of my receipt” (you evil customer service person who’s trying to gaslight me) and they were like “can you please find the two product codes on the stick packs and send those over?” and I was like “these numbers do not exist oh and another thing, I looked at the ingredient list on the Citrus box and it says ‘mango flavors, chili flavors’ but this is not the mango chili flavor” And they said “these are not our order number codes and we regret to inform you’ve been SWINDLED and contact your bank, oh and please do not consume these cuz…”
But… wha-huh? The boxes and the stick packs look IDENTICAL to the real thing. Upon further investigation, the website I ordered from was drinklmntus.com vs drinklmnt.com. The fake website is gone now, but it looked legit — a straight copy of the actual site. The product itself was coagulated and hard inside the packets, and as discussed above, tasted gross. Too sweet, and just… weird.
The Real LMNT folks offered to send me one box for taking the time to alert them to the situation. I said “that’s real nice — I appreciate that — but three boxes would be Even Better though I know it’s not really your fault… just thought I’d ask” and they said “sure, no problem” and they arrived today. That’s good customer service, and I want to highlight that here. LMNT has built a good brand, and I’m sorry this happened to them. They were responsive throughout and did what they could to help.
As for my bank–one of the largest ones with one part of “The United States of America” in its name? Not so helpful. But that’s another story.
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