The clean lines. The beautiful features. The finest components in the land. The very sight of her fills a man with desire, and what could be better, I ask you, than throwing your leg over this fine specimen and giving her a vigorous workout?
What am I talking about? Sex, of course. But bicycles are also awesome.
Yes, bicycles. The most fun you can have on two wheels, as long as you don’t count motorcycles. Which I don’t, mind you, because simply looking askance at one of those death machines can injure a man to such a degree that he will resemble a poorly-made hamburger. I touched a motorcycle once and it ripped off my arm (it got better).
Yes, bicycles are the fine wine to the motorcycle’s rotgut liquor.
In fact, bicycles are so amazing, one wonders why anyone bothers to pursue any other kind of sport. Except the doing it kind, of course. In fact, most people in the world seem to be preoccupied, not with sports, but with games.
Oh, you haven’t considered the difference? Well allow me to defer to the Googles, the place from whence all knowledge doth flow.
It is a subtle difference, but an important one. Note that a sport requires “physical exertion and skill” whereas a game can be won through “skill, strength, or luck.”
Any mountain rider who has found himself deep in the woods and so tired he can barely steer his bike knows the difference I am describing here. When you get that tired, there’s only one thing to do: call a time out, have a replacement jog over from the bench and finish the ride for you while you sip sugar drinks and eyeball the cheerleaders. Right?
Wrong, bucko, because cycling is a sport, and being relieved like that is game stuff. Only in a game do you have sidelines full of support. In a sport all you have is your body, stone cold determination, and maybe a squeaky chain if you’ve been lazy with the maintenance lately.
Running is a sport, at least, but nowhere near as good as cycling. A bicycle is the most efficient way to move a human being from one place to another under his own power. That means that a bicycle can drain you completely, whereas runners often stop with plenty of energy left due to various pains or suddenly realizing they could be on a bike.
Swimming is also a sport, but I will not even deign to discuss it here. If Man were intended to swim, the Earth would be mostly covered with water.
Many of my closest friends are game fanatics. They even have the unfettered gall to call themselves sports fans, though they are openly critical of my cycling addiction. I don’t mind, though. I know it’s all fun and games.
